Food and Memories

As I was making dinner on Monday night, using a recipe from my mother's recipe box, I began to ponder- And while pondering is often a dangerous thing, in this case, it brought forth an idea- a way for me to document memories of my mother while celebrating her for what many people loved about her. Not just her cooking, but the spirit of service behind it, and the joy she found in it. She often made things that she didn't eat, simply because she knew how much other people liked them. I was slowly learning some of the favorite recipes and my mother's tricks that were not included in the recipe, but there are so many things that I never learned, because I always thought that there would be time- time when I was married and had a home of my own, time when I had kids who could learn at the same time - but I was wrong. Time ran out, and there is so much that I never learned, so many things that I'd love to make that I am afraid to attempt without my mother's guidance... And yet the goal is that I would attempt them anyway. If I make a bad cake, it's no big deal. I can try again and again until I get it right.
When my mom passed away and the time came to plan the memorial service, I was left to make many of the important decisions. I did not want that role, but at the same time, I knew one thing for certain. The food that would be served at the memorial service would only be things that my mother ate. She had spent her life making food for others that she wouldn't eat, so it seemed only fair that we honor her by only serving foods that she would have eaten. I came up with a fairly large list of items that were simple that family members could bring, and I kept the most difficult things for myself (except for the desserts - those were delegated to my sister-in-law because baking is a beast I have yet to master).
First, I made a giant batch of my mother's macaroni & cheese. It is a fairly simple recipe, but I have found that many people have trouble with it because they don't have the patience for the white sauce which requires constant attention until it is complete. This recipe has been in high demand ever since then, and is becoming my trademark recipe from my mother's collection. Friends and family are quick to request it for holidays and birthdays. Prior to the memorial service, I had already made this recipe numerous times, and so I was not particularly concerned about it.
The second item I chose to make was beef bourguignon, which I can't even spell without assistance, so I had no idea how I was going to make it. It also required crepes, which I'd also never made before. I have hard time with pancakes, so crepes, which are paper thin, were particularly concerning. I actually was so worried about the crepes that I asked my sister-in-law to come to the house to make them. On the day of the service, my sister in law still hadn't arrived by the time she was supposed to, so I prepared the crepe batter. Still no sign of her, so I started on the crepes. I was freaking out, crying, because I wanted everything to be just right, the way my mom deserved them to be, and I was terrified that I would ruin the crepes. The first crepe burned and stuck to the pan a little bit and I was certain I was doomed- but I calmed myself down by reminding myself that the first pancake is always a tester, it's always bad. The crepes were not perfect, they were probably a bit thicker than crepes should be, but I made them, and nobody was disappointed or let down by how they looked because they still tasted just fine.
As Mother's Day approaches, there is nothing that I can do except to share and celebrate the legacy my mother left behind, and so today, I begin to share my memories of and experiences with my mother through the recipes in her box.